on love.

I used to think that love was this elusive thing, like February 29th or Halley's Comet, that would travel through your hemisphere only once in a blue moon, and you were lucky if, and only if, you were able to catch it as it flew by. This notion stuck with me throughout most of my young life--through the YA romance novels, the Nicholas Sparks movies, the Pablo Nerudas, the sappy/sad songs, and especially the "can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series" kinda stuff.

But then one day I fell in love. And everything I had previously thought seemed to be completely validated. 

It was passionate, and dizzying, and exciting, and fun and just about everything else you'd ever expect from falling in love for the first time. For a while, this person was the glue that was holding me together, until all of the sudden, he wasn't. And when I fell apart, so did the very foundation of the thing I had always believed to be "love."

Piecing your life back together after something like this is no easy task. However inconsequential and small it may seem in the grand scheme of things, heartbreak is a real, physical type of pain that manifests itself by twisting your stomach into all kinds of knots, and bringing out the ugliest of insecurities. And man, it just hurts. But what I've learned is that if you can get through it--not over it, but through it--there is a wholeness waiting for you on the other side. This wholeness is best described, and I say this in the most non-cheesy and un-ironic way possible, as true love. Real love, even. It's the type of love that makes you confident in the person you are, independent of other people. The type of love that keeps you from feeling lonely, even when you're alone. You can find it in the love of your friends, and your family, and your God, and the world around you, and most importantly, you find it in yourself.

This past Valentine's Day weekend was a gentle reminder that love is no longer an elusive thing to me. It's not something you have to spend your whole life searching for, nor is it a game of cat and mouse. Love is simply always there. It's in those quiet moments, watching a VHS copy of Maverick in a dingy cabin in rural Southern Colorado with some of your best friends. It's in those late night talks, those heated games of Settlers of Catan, those blissful drives, blasting your "girl power" playlist with the windows rolled down--it's there. All you have to do is recognize it.

The universe owes you absolutely nothing, yet, in any circumstance, there is always goodness to be found.

If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

xo
Lo